Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
