They should really pass out barf bags in church
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
