Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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