Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
