Sober January is a disaster.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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