So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
