Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
