Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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