she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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