Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
