I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
