She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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