Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
