Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
