shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Randomize
