I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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