he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my phone needs a breathalizer
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
