There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
