He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
