I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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