If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
