omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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