His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
