I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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