Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
