This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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