i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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