he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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