You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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