I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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