It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
