there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
