I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
