everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
