Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
