I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
