Define "chronic" masturbator.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
