I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
