your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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