Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize