I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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