She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
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NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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