It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
