Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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