i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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