**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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