How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
my poor anus
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
