Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
