I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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