Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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