she woke up with a sticky ear
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
