I hate all girls vehemently.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
