As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
