I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
