As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
