He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I could make wine with my vomit
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
