The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
