Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap