you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.