I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.