I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...