I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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