She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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