drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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