You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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